End of Me (Bucky Barnes x OFC)
by DeathByDecepticon
Summary: Calin was your less than average looking girl, stuck with feelings for her best friend Bucky Barnes. She knew a day would come when the super soldier would trade her in. She just never expected it to be so heart breaking.
1. Chapter 1

Calin stared blankly down into the bowl of oatmeal in front of her, swirling the metallic spoon through the brown mush that she hadn't touched since she cooked it. It had been three hours since she had made her way into the kitchen, getting ready for her usual dinner night with Bucky. It had become a tradition shortly after moving in to Stark tower.

A tradition that involved just the two of them on most occasions, but also Steve and Natasha when they weren't busy. The four of them getting along the best. However, tonight was suppose to be a just the two of you kind of night. Where they could have easily burnt the kitchen down making whatever the hell they wanted. While Vision made snide comments from the living room and warning Tony about a potential fire hazard asking if his insurance cards were up to date.

By hour one Calin presumed that he had lost track of time. Bucky had a concerning lack of an internal clock now, and would get distracted by almost anything that caught his attention. She always laughed at how surprised he seemed by the advances that happened since he became the winter soldier. By hour two, she figured Steve might have kept him late for training. Knowing that there was a mission coming up and all the practice was necessary for people to come back alive. However, by hour three she had come to the conclusion Bucky had forgotten. Calin supposed it wasn't that surprising, this had been the fifth time in three weeks that he had missed their scheduled dinner.

Shoving the bowl away from herself, she sighed heavily. She knew deep down that Bucky would grow bored of their friendship. He had used her to pull himself out of the depths of darkness, and now that he was on the path to recovery it was time to move on. It was only a matter of time before she was traded in, dropped for the shinier upgraded version, one that had all the bells and whistles. Calin had hoped it would have been further down the road, where she could have pulled the ripcord before he made any decisions. But like most things in her life, that plan seem to explode in her face.

"Where's Buck?" A calm voice brought her out of her thoughts, causing Calin to glance up.

Steve was standing by the sink, grabbing a glass of water. His tight fitting grey shirt dotted with large patches of sweat. Clearly he had just come from training, and since he had no idea where his best friend was she knew her earlier thoughts must have held true.

Shrugging her shoulders she answer him, "Don't know, thought he was with you." The words come out a bit harsh, which caused Steve to lift a brow in her direction. It wasn't uncommon for Calin to get agitated, it was just a rare moment for her to unleash it on a undeserving bystander.

"He left early kid, said he had a dinner date." Walking across the obscenely shiny floor, that Tony just had waxed again, Cap found a seat beside her in the breakfast nook. His large, muscled body sliding gracefully over until his shoulder rested against her own.

Steve knew Bucky had been up to something, the way his eyes averted his own when he had asked about his plans. He just never figured Bucky would have left her all alone. Calin was one of his closest friends besides himself. It may not have been like that initially, but the two of them were nearly inseparable now. Where she was, Buck was close behind.

"Not with me." Again she sighed, her eyes staring longingly at the kitchen door that was propped open. Wondering if he would ever make an appearance or if he'd leave her all night. "Did I do something?" She finally asked defeatedly, still not diverting her gaze away from the doorway. Hoping….

Steve didn't know what to say to that, he was just as baffled by his buddies behavior the past few weeks. Especially knowing this wasn't a one time occurance. It was uncharacteristic of him to even forget a meeting, let alone time with Calin.

"No, Bucks probably just in a funk. Give him some time." Steve finally settled on a path, hoping Bucky would turn it around soon. Maybe voice his problems instead of letting them fester.

"You're right, I'm just overthinking." She turned her head to give the Cap a genuine smile. "If you see him, let him know…. You know what forget it." Sliding out from the table, she grabbed her bowl throwing it in the sink quickly before exiting the room. "By the way I baked you some of those scones you like, I hid them on the bottom shelf in the pantry so Clint can't find them." She vaguely pointed to the doors just as she rounded the corner, knowing Steve loved anything she tried baking. But he especially fell in love with the chocolate scones she seemed to have mastered.

"You're the best!" Calin heard him call after her as her boot clad feet carried her down the long hallway heading towards her room.

From here she could hear Thor and Bruce watching a soccer game on the television. Both getting a bit to aggressive over who was actually winning. Which had her shaking her head,Thor had never watched a game in his entire life but his pride was to big to say otherwise, and of course pretending to understand what was happening was easier than asking Bruce to explain it.

Natasha and Clint were walking down the opposite hall, heading towards the training rooms. Both holding a pair of sheathed knives, twirling them at such a speed she definitely would have stabbed herself and anyone else that happened to be in close proximity at that point. Calin was definitely not the most graceful of the group, but she managed just fine. Even if it didn't involve her powers, which she had refused to use since Tony brought her to Stark tower.

No one quite knew what she could actually do, besides the few parlor tricks she amused them with, and frankly it was best that way. Not unlike Dr. Banner, she too could lose control. The only difference was she didn't turn into the jolly green giant at the end. No, she turned into something much scarier, much more dangerous and something so hard to control that even Calin couldn't stop it once it had started. There was no calming technique that she learned or a big red fucking button that cut the power. Once it was on it was on until she could claw her way back into control. There of course had been rumors at first, wondering if she truly was "gifted", which she scoffed loudly at. She would have gladly told them it was more like a fucking curse than a gift.

She wasn't born with her powers, no, she had been chosen by HYDRA when she was just a kid. Her parents had gotten paid a large sum of money to allow it to happen, so they turned the other way when they hand picked her to be a lab rat, experiment on, injected and cut open. Until one day they ended up with a girl who was so emerised in rage that her powers were no longer controllable. The outcome of that day scared Calin, her mind reliving it on repeat almost every night. The looks…. the blood that soaked her clothes, the metallic smell lingering in the air, the sudden deafening silence they settled across the HYDRA base It all scared her, that's why she silently vowed never to let the power to take control of her again.

That was until she had been out on a mission, it was typical nothing out of the ordinary. Until the small group of HYDRA agents blew up the supporting walls of a skyscraper in Dubai. Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sam and herself were in the direct path. There was nothing to be done and in seconds everyone would have been crushed to death. No amount of running or flying would have gotten any of them to safety quick enough. As they braced for impacted, she gritted her teeth using every ounce of energy in her to channel it towards the building without waking the beast within.

It was a blur after that, as black smoke billowed out if her palms and up into the air, wrapping like spindles around the falling building. Bucky had been the first one to look up, especially when the falling debris had stopped. Her eyes had locked with his as she all but screamed out in agony, the weight of the building pulling at every muscle, every tendon in her body.

In a flash he had been over to her, throwing his gun to the ground so his hands could come up to support her own. Whispering words of encouragement and playfulness demanding she not crush them because you guys hadn't even finished the third Jurassic park and how was he suppose to watch it without her commentary. Calin had to fight back the small laugh that he brought her,extremely grateful for his distraction. It cleared her mind just enough to push the building back up, leaning it against itself so no one was to badly hurt. The last thing she needed was another bad press conference and dozens of dead civilians.

That had been the first and only time she had used a large portion of her powers and it wasn't even the full blown event either. It was merely the tip of the iceberg. But of course there were questions, demanding questions brought upon her afterwards. Nick Fury both intrigued and infuriated that somehow she blatantly failed to tell him how powerful she truly was. Practically threatening her existence as an Avenger if she didn't show what she could do in front of the council. Calin had put her foot down though, sticking to what she knew. No good would come from it, not one fucking thing. And it pissed her off that he fucking acted like he owned her, like she was some circus act that he could call upon to make dance at his convenience. Newsflash no one would ever own her. And if it came down to that, than it wouldn't be very fun for them. It definitely wasn't a fun time for those HYDRA agents who had tried the same thing years before.

Shaking her head, she cleared her thoughts as she found herself at her bedroom door. Pushing it open she walked in, kicking her boots off one at a time into the corner where her laundry basket sat, filled to the brim with dirty clothes. It had been a few weeks since she washed any, and her lack of clean wardrobe was showing. Given the fact she was in a pair of black mesh gym shorts and a old ratty looking hoodie she had stole from Steve awhile back.

Bypassing the bed, she sunk to the floor beside it instead. The mattress so soft that it felt like she was slowly being sucked into quicksand, that uncomfortable smothering sensation consuming her to the point where sleep would never come.

Curling up into the mound of blankets she took a deep breath. Her eyes landing on a photo of Bucky and her on the bottom shelf of the night stand. Reaching out she grabbed the frame, panning over it with interest. It had been taken a year ago at Tony's surprise party. They both had those stupid oversized party hat's on which made them look ridiculous. His metal arm was wrapped around her waist pulling her in for the picture. It had been the only photo that she had gotten her hands on of Bucky actually smiling, a true, heart melting smile.

The two of them looked so different though, a stark contrast between one another. Calin was average looking at best. Certainly nowhere near the same realm as Natasha or even Wanda for that matter. While Bucky was something pulled out of a GQ magazine, even when his hair was disheveled and he hadn't shaved in weeks. Basically, pure sex God as people on the internet had collectively decided. This she happily showed him, hoping he would get a good laugh from it. But what she got was a devilish glint in his piercing eyes and a small blush spreading across his cheeks. It had happened so quickly that if she hadn't seen it for herself, she would have never believed it. He was the tough winter soldier, but Bucky Barnes was ever the gentleman, even after everything that happened to him.

A sudden knock at her door, had her placing the photo back down on the nightstand. Quickly making herself comfortable, hiding her face in the blanket, trying to make it appear she had fallen asleep. Calin was in no mood to talk, or discuss plans of any kind, she just wanted to be alone. Afterall Bucky left her alone so why not just carry that right on through till tomorrow.

When she didn't respond, the door clicked open. The hinge creaking ever so softly as it was pushed on. Who ever it was clearly didn't take the hint and was making their way closer. Their boots almost silently carrying them across the hardwood floor. She inwardly grimaced knowing exactly who it was, the bed creaking from up above her giving them away. Only one person ever invited themselves into her quarters, and that same person was the one always laying on the bed when she found it to be a useless piece of furniture. Something not even worthy to be considered an ottoman.

She squeezed her eyes closed, and trying her best to slow her heart rate. Bucky had excellent hearing given the fact he was a super soldier, and it wouldn't be hard for him to tell if she was truly asleep.

The both of them remained quiet, unsure of whether or not he was buying her charade. If he didn't, he was playing along. Soon the familiar weight of his metal fingers smoothed gently across her back. Even through the sweatshirt she knew it wasn't his human hand. He never touched her with anything but his metal appendage. His fingers deftly making intricate patterns on the fabric of her shirt, just like he always did when they spent time together.

"I know you're awake, Doll." Bucky finally broke the silence. He had known she was awake the moment he had stepped into the room but had decided to play along with the little act. Knowing her brooding had been caused by himself and his actions.

Bucky found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment, one that had his mind torn on what to actually do. He had been distant to her lately, pulling away to the point where he was purposefully skipping their scheduled time together. With the regimented agenda that Steve had him on, that tended to only be once or twice a week. And Bucky had skipped out on the last five or so, managing to avoid Calin with the utmost care. Making sure he was out of the tower or hidden in his room well before she would build up the nerve to look for him. However it surprised him that she never actually looked, she let him hide and forget their time together like it had been was Calin though, she never pushed or poked him for answers, if he didn't feel like talking then they would sit in a comfortable silence. So he supposed it shouldn't have been that shocking the girl never came looking for him after all.

"No I'm not, and don't call me that." Calin finally answered, her words trying to be like sandpaper pulling down his cheek, harsh and painful. She was silently hoping he'd take the hint and go but it didn't seem to work.

Bucky had to bite his tongue at her comeback though, it was classic Calin as he knew her, always the smart ass. However his nickname was a sure fire way to get her to respond no matter the mood she was in. She had adimmently protested it, glaring at him with such hatred each time it fell from his lips, telling Bucky she was nowhere close to a doll. It amused him, dames from his time had always crumbled at the pet name, but Calin wasn't as easily swayed. Then again he had never met someone quite like her back when he was younger.

Ignoring her bitter tone, he continued to gently soothe her back, tracing his name aimlessly into the dark red fabric unbenounced to her. It was something he had found calming, the simple gesture such an intimate act that he only felt comfortable doing with her. The mere thought of that had him stopping, pulling his hand away as if it scalded him. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't just touch her, it would give mixed signals, confusing the situation even more than it already was. He was here for a reason.

"Can we talk? Please?" His words came out more pleading than he wished. But this was important, Bucky had to do this now or he would never find the strength in himself to say it. He had managed to muster enough courage over the past week, or as Sam so politely put, Bucky finally found his balls.

Silently groaning Calin shifted, sitting up from the cozy spot on the ground. Turning around to face him, her eyes landing on his face with the utmost care. Searching for any signs, anything to tell her what he was actually here for. As usual, Bucky's emotions were hid extremely well, even from her.

"You missed dinner." She broke the silence first, a bitterness in her words that almost made her mouth cringe. There was no right for her to be this mad at him, they were just friends and if Bucky wanted to stay away that was his prerogative.

Casting his eyes towards the floor, his long chestnut hair fell around his face. "I know, and I'm sorry." His voice sounded pained, which had Calin sobering up real quick. Her anger and rage at him completely dissipating like it never even existed. That was one quality she hated about Bucky, one carefully crafted sentence and she was like putty in his hands. Willing to jump through fiery rings of death if that is what he wished for.

Calin carefully watched the soldier as he laid there quietly, his eyes staring intently at the floor as if he was searching for an answer hidden in the wood grain. So when he finally turned over and sat up, her eyes followed his movements. His large metal hand coming up and patting the black bedding beside himself, beckoning her to sit with him. She didn't hesitate, lifting herself from the floor and sitting down beside her friend.

Well friend being a loose term for her feelings for Buck. He was always so kind and sweet, and she had fallen head first in what Steve explained was the James Buchanan Barnes charm. It had been unintentional, she had solidly put her foot down commanding herself to not fall for him just because he was being nice. Calin had a problem with that, any guy who paid the slightest bit of positive attention to her had her instantly falling for them. Even if she knew the likelihood of that happening was slim... well more like nonexistent. Calin knew that there was a higher probability of seeing fucking God at the moment than Bucky seeing her in any other light then a good friend. But it didn't stop the twang of hurt that shot through her heart seeing him so distraught.

"I just can't do this anymore." He all but mumbled, which had Calin furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"Do what Buck?" She cautiously asked, not certain about even wanting the answer to that. Bucky was so tense at the moment, his muscles locked tight as he twisted his hands together over and over again. A gesture that she had come to know as his way of releasing his nerves.

Reaching out she gently tried to take his hands, trying to ease his mind. He moved though, just as her hand was about to touch him, pulling just out of reach. The act causing Calin to sink back in embarrassment, he had never recoiled at her touch before. A new harsh wave of hurt crashing into her, one that started in her chest and cascaded down to the rest of her body.

"This." He finally gazed up, his steely blue eyes finding her own as he gestured between the two of them. "I can't keep avoiding and lying to you. You mean to much to me, for that." Calin was barely even registering his words at the moment, knowing that there was most likely a "but" coming. "But… I've found someone, and I want to spend time with them. With missions and training lately, there's just not enough time for everything. And I don't want to be that guy who promises to be somewhere and doesn't show up."

"Oh…." Her eyes diverted away from him, swallowing thickly as she tried not to burst into tears. Calin didn't cry and she wouldn't cry, not in front of him. "If that's what you want." She didn't even fight what was happening currently, knowing she would always be on the losing side of this battle. A battle that in her head was going to happen at any moment, after all she was on borrowed time with him, and she guessed her time just ran out.

"We can just take a break you know, catch up when we do missions together. Maybe train like we used to. " Bucky nudged her shoulder, but she didn't look in his direction.

"Sure." It was simply put, and Calin didn't feel like explaining to him why her voice was off.

Bucky regretted everything that had just spewed from his mouth. Another lie, a huge lie to the girl sitting beside him who at the moment looked like she was about ready to crack. His eyes had been watching her carefully, watching as the once bright light in her hazel eyes slowly dimmed until it all but burnt out completely. Her head turning just to the right angle where her features became hidden. Not allowing him to he see any emotion. To Calin emotion was a weakness, a chink in the physical armour. She could break twenty bones and refuse to shed a single tear, worried it would change the way people looked at her. So as she sat deadly still, her breathing very controlled as if she was aware of everything at the moment, Bucky knew she was trying to gain control.

There was no other girl though, there would never be anyone else. No one would put up with his punk ass, with all his faults and flaws, with the nights he woke up several times screaming from his vivid nightmares. Calin did though, the girl had made a broken man not so broken. She had been there through it all, her room being beside Bucky's, many nights she had probably woken in a panic hearing him scream. But every time she'd make her way to him, sitting down beside him on the bed just long enough until he'd fall back asleep.

He didn't deserve her plain and simple. And the recent dreams he had been suffering from only instilled that notion. They had plagued him for weeks, causing him to pull away from her, worried they would somehow come true. That he would revert back to the winter soldier and kill her with his bare hands. Strangling the very last breath from her body. The mere thought had Bucky's heart aching, he refused to have her blood on his hands, he had too much innocent blood there as it was. So the only logical thing to do was pull away with the biggest lie he could come up with. Tell her he found someone, make her believe because if he asked her for anything she would jump through hoops to do it. If he asked for time apart, she would go along with it, no questions asked.

"Hey… look at me." Bucky finally said, using his metal fingers to tilt her chin up towards him. The feel of her burning hot skin against his cold metal hand such a stark contrast, that it actually let him truly feel her. It was something he hadn't been able to do with his left arm in years. It was like a numb, lifeless extension of himself until he met her, and he took every opportunity to sooth her back or grab her hand just to see if the sensation wasn't just a cruel trick "You're still my number one girl, you got that." His thumb gently traced small circles on her cheek.

Calin didn't want to hear it though, she didn't want to hear any of the things he had to say. Because she knew it would only lead her down a path of pain. It was just like Bucky to weave some perfect sentence, making her feel like she was the most important thing in his life, when in reality he had just asked her to leave him alone.

"Sure." She plainly put once more, pulling away from his hand. Not wanting his touch anymore. "You know what I'm kinda tired, so I'm just gonna go to bed."

Getting to her feet, she made her way back to her blanket on the ground. Sinking down so her back was to Bucky, her eyes going blurry as she fought with every ounce of energy to keep the tears at bay. To keep the anger coursing through her veins down because she didn't feel like turning around and punching him in the jaw yet. Again she had no right, he wasn't hers.

"I-I can stay…" He started, his resolve completely deteriorating by the second. But he grimaced when she opened the door to her room with a slight flick of her fingers.

Calin didn't use her full powers, but she used the basics especially when her emotions were getting the best of her. Opening doors, flickering lights nothing that was that spectacular. As Tony classified it, she was a living version of a poltergeist.

"I think your new girl wouldn't appreciate that very much." Turning to look at him, she gave Bucky a small smile, it may have been fake and forced but it was a smile.

They stared at one another for a few seconds in a uncomfortable silence. The first time in their friendship where it was a skin crawling moment of awkwardness.

Bucky finally moved, getting to his feet shoving his hands in his jean pockets. There was nothing to say, nothing to fix what he had just done. So he hoped that it was the right thing to do, that breaking her heart was what needed to happen to keep her safe.

"I love you Calin, remember that." Bucky quietly said as he turned and made his way out of her room.

Once she heard his footsteps disappear down the hall, she let out a single sob. Her heart shattering into pieces she had no interest in picking up. Bucky was her best friend, and in an instant he threw it all away.

That was the exact moment she realized he would be the end of her.


	2. Chapter 2

_The room was cold, unbearably so, just like it always was when they had her inside it. Her bare skin exposed to the frigid temperatures causing a shiver to run through her body as they lowered metal restraints onto her arms. Locking them so tight it had instantly started to cut off the blood supply. Making her hands tingle, feeling as if a thousand needles were being poked into her skin. They always did this, harnessed her in before an experiment, before the pain would come. If they didn't, it would have most certainly ended in all their lives._

 _Calin was biting down hard onto the rubber mouth guard, growling loudly when a guard dressed in black brushed his own hand up along the length of her arm. His fingers deftly smoothing her bare skin until he got to the strap of her sports bra, where he snapped it against her skin painfully. Her eyes flooded with darkness instantly, her inner demon being beckoned to the surface. It didn't appreciate the confinement or the touching, especially when this seemed to be the only time Calin let it take over. When she was desperate…. and weak, when her emotions were at the highest. That's when she allowed it in._

 _Spitting out the mouthpiece, she turned her attention to the man, grinning playfully."Touch me again, and I will rip your throat out." Her voice was no longer its own as she spoke. The noise so guttural that if her mouth was not moving you would have never knew it was from her. "Oh how I would enjoy seeing you bleed out." She laughed out, as the man began to lower the vibranium harness down on top of her shoulders, the only thing that had successfully kept her caged._

" _I see we are not speaking with Calin now, so who is this today?" From the corner of her eye she saw movement. A large man in a white lab coat, hobbling his way towards her. The same man who had bought her, the same man who had done all this to her._

" _Does it matter who I am?" Calins black eyes glow brighter in excitement as she saw the brief flash of fear cross the man's face. The man visibly gulping back the terror she smelled coming off him in waves. It amused her demon, to see the terror it invoked on its creators. Is this not what they wanted? Did they not want someone so powerful that they could take down an entire army by themselves?_

" _Perhaps I may speak to Calin, if you are not willing to cooperate?" He grew closer, busying himself at the stainless steel tray that was a few feet away._

 _His hands gliding over the various instruments, staring at each one of them with interest before moving onto the next. Calin watched cautiously, growling out when the man finally landed on a large syringe. The needle filled to the brim with a red substance, one she had only come to know as liquid fire. The concoction was something that they had been trying for years, just different variations. It was their attempt to find away to control her demon, making it manageable, make it complacent instead of the hostile creature it was now. They wanted a soldier not a loose cannon who would kill anyone and everyone that got in its way._

" _Calin is asleep, there is no need to wake her." She bit, her arms struggling in the bindings roughly. Trying to see if there was a weakened bolt or sauder. Something to snap the restraints, so she could kill them all. "I believe she has experienced enough from you shit heads."_

 _Narrowing his eyes at her, he just watched with a quizzical gaze. It was the same song and dance, every time they went about experimenting. She'd threaten their lives but was never able to follow through, unable to break the confinement. All she needed was a flick of her fingers and their necks would be snapped. But they had never given her the opportunity, they had been very vigilant with keeping the bindings tight and secure._

" _Oh I'm afraid this is still just the beginning, my child." A sick smiled spread acrossed his greasy, drawn in face. One that had even her demons skin crawling in disgust._

 _He didn't move very quickly, drawing out his little sick fetish for torture. Spinning the needle in his hand he glided towards her. Hesitating only a moment to look up into Calins eyes, before a toothy grin spread across his face again, letting the tip sink into the flesh of her upper thigh causing her to scream out. A scream so ear piercing that the objects in the room began to shake violently. The substance coursing through her veins like liquid fire, the skin around the puncture mark already blistering up. With each pump of her heart it pushed it deeper into her body, magnifying the pain even more. Her muscles all stiffened till she was lifted off the metal chair, struggling against the restraints with more vigor. Desperately trying to get away, get far away from the pain._

 _Gritting her teeth, her vision blurred as she watched the man step back. Placing his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, silently waiting out the episode. But she couldn't keep this up, she couldn't stand another one of these injections. So with what little strength she could muster she tried to move her hand. The appendages the only thing numb at the moment, making it so difficult to move. But somehow she managed to will her fingers to twitch slightly, giving her a glimpse of hope._

 _Just as another surge of agony pulsed through her body, she screamed out again. It was just want she needed though, the hatred and rage inside her at the moment allowing her to clench her fist. Which instantly had the man flying into the air. Gasping for breath as his fingers clawed at his neck, desperately trying to pry away the things strangling him. There was nothing there, so the struggling would just wear him out quicker and make this death to fast for her liking._

 _Flicking her fingers she threw him against the concrete wall, his body making a horrid bone snapping thud as he fell to the floor. Causing a grin to tug at the corner of her lips, the suffering she knew he was feeling, fueled her. It gave her life, like nothing before._

" _Y-you kill me… I will have them kill him." He spat, dark crimson liquid spattering against the grey concrete. His shaky arms coming out to help hoist himself off the ground._

" _Kill who?" Calin growled louder, her hand moving downward causing the man to be shoved to the floor again. Her powers crushing him, making him squirm under the pressure. He never answered though, his hearty laugh filled the room instead, echoing off the walls menacingly. Taunting her with hints of information like they always did. "Kill fucking who?" This time she screamed it, and that's when the world went dark._

Calin violently jolted awake, her body nearly cerening itself off the bed. The fucking bed she so desperately despised, but had hoped it's softness would truly engulf her body into nothing. Oh how that plan royally backfired. Her heart was was currently slamming against her chest, it's rhythmic beat so hard and fast she could hear it pounding in her ears. The adrenaline coursing through her veins making it nearly impossible to calm herself, which wasn't good.

This wasn't the first time this nightmare plagued her dreams, and frankly how could it truly be a nightmare if she had experienced it in reality already. It was just a memory, a bad fucking memory, that seemed to haunt her like a angry ghost. Even more so since Bucky asked for a break. It had been almost a nightly occurrence now, the minute she'd close her eyes she'd be back there in that musty old concrete room. Strapped down, unable to move or fight back, just waiting for the pain to start all over again. It played on a constant mentally draining loop.

Running a shaky hand over her face, Calin let out a breathy sigh. Her body felt like it was on fire still, like the serum was coursing through her veins ten years after the last needle punctured her skin. It made her tremble, and a cold sweat to form in a thick sheen across her face. Even the sweatshirt she had worn to bed was completely soaked through. Clinging to her chest and arms uncomfortably.

Glancing over to her bedroom door Calin had hoped to see Bucky standing there. Leaning against the wooden frame with his usual small heart melting smile. Hoping he would be close by to help calm her down, to tell her everything was going to be ok. She had done that for him more times then she could count, striding over to his room when she heard the restless noises coming from within. In truth she also did it for herself, because being next to Bucky had a weird effect on her. It was like his presences sucked all the shit HYDRA did to her away. He made her feel like she wasn't so broken.

However when her eyes panned the darkened doorway, her heart sank further into her chest. There was no one, the door was shut and the tower seemed to be completely silent. In that brief moment Calin had wished she didn't pull away from him because he asked her to. She wished she had fought for their… their friendship, especially if that's all she'd ever share with him. It had been almost a month of her waiting for him to come back, waiting for him to finally end this break but days drew on and she found herself losing hope. And there was no chance she was going to demand him to come to his senses, this was his decision, Calin had no right to deviate from what he asked for.

The burning sting of tears washed over her, causing Calin to aggressively wipe at her eyes. It was uncomfortable, feeling the urge to cry, to just let all her emotions out. Wanda had told her a good cry every once and awhile was good for a person. That it helped clear a foggy mind or ease a troubled soul. But she could never bring herself to that point. Calin had spent to much time locked in a cage with her hands plastered over her ears, trying desperately to shield herself from the sounds of HYDRA agents shooting kids she was held captive with. Any sign of weakness, any cries or pleas was met with a bullet. And even though she had escaped them years ago, the images still plagued her, they still held power over all her actions.

Throwing the covers off herself aggressively, she shook her head trying to clear her thoughts. The last thing she needed was to dwell on her past, it would only upset her further. So she found herself getting to her feet, the cold wooden floor sending shivers up her spine as she wandered towards the door.

She knew it was a bad idea but she needed him, her Bucky. Even if it was just to sit on the floor at the end of his bed. His proximity would hopefully ease her tense body in ways that it would take her hours to accomplish. Calin just hoped he would let her in. Afterall he was seeing someone, so he had every right to refuse her at the door. Bucky could slam it right in her face if that's what he wanted to do. She just hoped he wouldn't, because the thought had her already aching heart hurting even more. It was a pain, like someone jabbed a red hot poker straight into her chest, causing her breath to hitch and her heart to tighten.

Wrapping her arms around herself she found her way out of her room and down the hall. Her pace was slow and cautious, giving her every opportunity to turn around. To slink silently back to her room and pretend everything was fine, like everything was just fucking peachy, like she usually pretended to do. But Calin wasn't about facing anytime soon, there was a part of her, deep down, that wanted to see what he'd do. After all she had done for him, would he even reciprocate a fraction of that back to her, even if it was only for a moment? Because a moment was all she needed, a moment to wipe her mind and try to start fresh. To reset herself.

The short trek down to the end of the hall had Calin stopping in front of his bedroom door. Typically she would have just reached for the knob to let herself in. And the path she had just taken had been so ingrained in her mind from the years of following it, she actually found her hand reaching for the handle. However she stopped herself, just before her fingers touched the metal, knowing it wouldn't be appropriate. Instead her knuckles gently rapped on the wooden door softly. The sound barely audible, but she knew he would be able to hear it.

She stood there quietly, arms still wrapped around her aching body, waiting… and waiting. When he didn't answer she knocked once again, this time slightly harder. But with each passing second she knew her stupid idea had become a horrible idea. Bucky never even made an attempt to come to the door. There was no movement or shuffling around, just the low garbled sound from the television.

Frowning to herself, Calin finally turned around and started the seemingly long walk of shame back to her room. At least no one was around to see the dejected look on her face at the moment. If Tony had been watching he would have made sure everyone, and she meant everyone, knew about what an idiot she was for even thinking for one second Bucky Barnes truly cared. He'd happily spend thousands of dollars for banners, balloons and probably a fucking parade, if it meant telling her 'I told you so'. He had warned Calin numerous times from the start about Bucky, she just never saw what Tony did. The Bucky Tony knew wasn't the same man that became her friend… at least that's what she thought originally. But she was wrong, she had just been used until the convenience wore off. Just like HYDRA, only needed when they deem the situation useful.

Calin couldn't contain the low growl that escaped her mouth as she continued down the hallway. Her fists balling at her side so tightly, her knuckles turned a ghostly shade of white a new wave of betrayal and anger consuming herself. She needed to calm down, especially after that fucking nightmare which her body was still coming down from. It wouldn't take much to set her over, and with Bucky refusing to help, Calin knew it was only a matter of time before she'd crack. A monster can only be contained so much before the constant pounding on the glass barrier between it and her shattered. And oh boy was it on the near brink of shattering currently.

"Calin, what are you doing up?" She had been so busy in her head, she never saw Steve round the corner nearly running into one another.

Even from where he stood Steve could see she wasn't alright. Her normal sun kissed skin had turned to a sickly shade of white. So pale that it seemed like she hadn't seen the sun in years. Sweat beaded on her forehead in tiny droplets, only vanishing when she used her sleeve to wipe them away. Even her eyes were darker, the usual jovial Calin was now shadowed by a version that sent chills up his own spine.

"Couldn't sleep." She answered simply.

"Kid you don't look alright," Steve carefully started to reach for her, wanting to push a wayward strand of dampened hair out of her eyes. But her hand moved at an inhuman speed to grip his wrist, stopping it in midair.

"I… I just had a nightmare, nothing to worry about." She cautiously let go of his hand, knowing Steve was ever the worrier and would do all in his power to figure out what was wrong.

Narrowing his eyes slightly at her hunched form, he settled his hand back at his side. Steve knew she had a past, one that would give anyone nightmares. Not unlike Bucky, she was found in a HYDRA facility, but by Tony several years back. She had been locked in a four by four cell… if he could even call it that. It was hardly big enough for his former self, let alone a girl who shared his current height. Tony never did figure out what they had been doing with her, by the time he arrived files had been burned and people who knew anything shot. And it wasn't like Calin was ever going to tell them. She had refused to speak on the subject, even to this day. When ever the topic was brought up, she would get agitated, on the verge of meltdowns sometimes. To top it all off, the mere mention of being checked over by the doctors had her locked in her room for days until finally Tony gave up.

The guy had a soft spot for the girl, and even if she didn't recognize it, Tony loved her like a daughter. He'd spend any amount of money to help, but you can't help someone that doesn't want it.

That's why Steve assumed Calin and Bucky were so close. They shared a similar history, a similar story that tied them together on a level no one else could ever be. The friendship had grown so quickly, even Steve was surprised. But in the past weeks it had seemed to crumble away to nothing. Years of being friends thrown away, over what? He'd never know. Bucky shrugged off his concern when he noticed their pull several weeks back, but even then Steve knew his friend was keeping something from him. Whatever it is was Calin must have been at the receiving end, for she turned cold quickly, refusing to address Buck at all, she barely even glanced his direction.

She was hurting, and the worst part was she's prefer to suffer in silence. Years of HYDRA brainwashing he supposed.

"Come on Kid, I have a nice hard wooden floor calling your name." Steve gave her a small smile, hoping it would lift her spirits.

Calin knew her friend was only concerned for her well being. Steve would always be a constant positive presence in her life whether she wanted it or not. So when he offered her a spot on the floor she returned his small smile. "I would very much appreciate that." Running an absent minded hand through her disheveled hair.

Steve shrugged softly, leaning over tentatively wrapping a strong arm around her shoulder, pulling her against his side. When he noticed no sign of protest he relaxed a bit. His hand rubbing up and down the length of her upper arm through the thick damp fabric of one of his old faded hoodies, trying his best to soothe her wandering mind. He was taking a page from Bucky, cause it always seemed to calm her down to some extent.

"Steve?" Calin quietly called out as they began their journey towards his room.

"What is it kid?" Tilting his head he watched her from the corner of his eyes. Seeing Calin take a few swallow breaths, the hand at her side stiffen a bit.

There was an inner monologue being spoken silently as she continued to walk. One that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to say out loud. She was torn between suffering in silence or being a normal human for once and just telling them she needed help. But the thoughts, the visions of her friends dead at her feet, the blood on her hands. To wake up after her demon finally broke through her last wall of resolve and to see that. It was a sobering moment that had her stopping in her tracks. Turning so she could look at Steve.

"I…. I need help." It was a statement so unlike her Steve wasn't even sure he heard Calin correctly. "It's getting worse everyday, and Bucky isn't around to help. I'm on the verge of cracking, Steve, and if I do… I don't know if you guys could stop me." Her voice got increasingly more pleading. Knowing this was really her only chance at conveying her issues.

Steve sighed softly, pulling the girl into his chest, Calins body tensing a bit at the sudden intimate contact but soon relaxing against him. "We'll talk with Tony and Bruce in the morning, if anyone can help it will be them, ok?" Calin nodded her head silently, Steve was right the two might be able to help. But deep down she knew that likelihood was slim. "Do you want me to get Buck? He cares you know, no matter what is going on between the two of you right now. He'd be here if he knew you were hurting like this."

Calin shook her head from the moment the word Bucky spilled out of Steve's mouth. "No… I don't need to bother him." It was a lie, a big fat fucking lie but it was clear Bucky didn't care. And a part of her didn't want to break Steves vision of his best friend.

"Ok, if you're certain." Tugging her body easily, Steve had them walking back down the hall again heading towards the elevator. He was just thankful his room was only two floors above.

Bucky had just returned from the kitchen with a glass of water when he heard voices. His brows furrowing instantly, recognizing the two starkly different tones even before he peered around the corner. What he didn't expect was to hear Calin so defeatedly say they didn't have to bother him. She could bother him all she wished, and he wouldn't even care. He craved it actually, this month break bullshit that his nightmares started was wearing him down. Bucky needed her, even if it took being strapped down in vibranium restraints every night so he wouldn't hurt her. He would do anything at the moment.

It hurt him to watch Steve comfort his girl, something Bucky should be doing. He might have never expressed his true feelings to her, but she was his, on levels no one else could ever come close to. It caused his metal arm to whir softly as his fist clenched, watching Steve wrapping an arm around her as they spoke. Touching was a gestured earned by trust, it took Bucky almost a year to even be able to hug the girl. He knew what was acceptable and what would make her flinch. Skin to skin was still a no fly zone, he had tried to trace her bare back with his metal hand one afternoon hoping to feel her heat even more than usual. The instant she felt her sweatshirt being tugged on, it was a whirlwind of panic. Bucky nearly lost his arm again that day.

Steve didn't know those unspoken rules, he didn't know what Calin needed… Bucky did.

As Bucky watched them slowly disappear down the hall, he let out a sigh. He vowed to himself that he'd get her back, make her understand why he did what he did. Things he should have done to begin with, instead of being an idiot. Bucky knew it was going to be a struggle, Calin had been expertly evading him since the day he asked for the stupid break.

He'd get his girl back, even if it was going to be the end of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the lovely feedback! It means so much you all like the story so far, and I hope it doesn't dissapoint!

It had been a long night, the longest she had experienced in quite awhile actually. It reminded her of those nights in the facility, where the screaming echoed off the concrete walls amplifying the noises. Where the crying from the other kids seeped into her brain, despite how hard she held her hands over her ears. Willing… pleading for the world to go silent, even if it was just for a moment, just so she could close her eyes.

She had been laying on Steve's floor staring up at the ceiling, listening to him snore softly. Calin envied him, how easily he found sleep. Even in the near silence of his room, she couldn't even dream of catching a wink. Every time she shut her eyes visions would plague her, images of Bucky, Steve, of Wanda and Bruce. Her imagination did not discriminate on who it picked to torture her with. Cause the flashes of images always ended the same, with the Avengers dead and their blood on her hands.

Sitting up from the floor, Calin ran a tired hand through her hair, before pulling it up in a messy bun. She knew her demon was the cause of the vivid imagery. It had seemed to find some foothold in her subconscious and it didn't want to let go. For over six years Calin had fought with her inner self, pushed her down, kept her buried under good memories she had started to form. But six years was to long for her demon she supposed, it wanted out, it wanted blood. Afterall it was use to coming out several times a week, back at the height of her treatments. There might have been restraints involved, but it still got to breathe some fresh air.

The plan was to wear Calin down until she couldn't fight it anymore. Once all her resolve was gone, it would have total control. And total control meant being able to do whatever the hell it wanted.

Letting out a shaky breath, Calin rose to her feet. Quietly creeping over to Steve's desk, she scribbled out a note stating she was alright and that she would meet them in the med bay later. She had to mentally prepare for the onslaught of tests Bruce had been hankering to perform. The man had been curious about her since she walked into the tower six years ago.

Calin didn't have high hopes for there to actually be a fix to this nightmare better known as her mind. There were only a few things that could be done at this point. They could either restrain her somewhere so her demon could make a very dramatic entrance like it always liked to do, or they could kill her. Preferably not the latter, death was something she begged for when she was with HYDRA, but she didn't want to give up the people who slowly became her family here at the tower. They were her everything, despite her best attempts not to show it.

The thought of letting her demon out made her cringe though. It was a violent experience, at least for herself. The event draining her already depleted energy to the point where it was like she was paralyzed. Awake and aware of what was happening, but unable to do much about it. Not that it mattered back then, she enjoyed the reprieve. To make the situation worse Calin really didn't know how long it would take to fight her way back into control this time. This thing had been lying dormant for years, so the possibility of herself not even coming back was a reality. So in the end death might be the only option, either at her own hands or one of her friends.

Groaning softly, she made her way out of Steve's room, ever so gently shutting the door behind herself. Knowing his super soldier hearing would pick up on the lock latching if she wasn't careful. She merely wanted a morning of peace to herself, knowing it was Saturday, most everyone was sleeping in after a busy week of training and missions. Tony and Bruce wouldn't be up until about eight as usual, so she had a few hours before good old Steve Rogers blew her in for last night's discussions.

Calins feet absentmindedly carried her down the hallway, the morning sun creeping in through the windows basking the walls in a soft orange glow. She had expected to be alone but when she plowed into a large mass, regret flooded her like a levy snapping in two.

She stumbled slightly, a strong metal hand coming out and taking hold of her elbow, steadying her form. Bucky had been up early, pacing the entire length of the hall in front of Steve's room, waiting patiently for someone to get up. He had to stop himself from smashing the door down several times just wanting to rip this God forsaken band aid off. All he wanted was a chance to apologize, to see her smile, and to hold her again.

"Sorry." Her voice was weak as she took her arm from his grip. Not even looking up at him, knowing if she even glanced into those steely blue orbs, she'd fall right back into the trap known as Bucky Barnes. Like some mindless bug heading straight for the beautiful light of a bug zapper.

"It's ok." He added cautiously, seeing how distant she was trying to be. Calin wouldn't even look at him, her gaze solely fixed on the hardwood floor. His heart tightened painfully in his chest, seeing what he had done to them, what he did to their relationship.

Without thinking he found his left hand gently raising up, his metal fingers smoothing against the skin of her cheek, an action that he was so use to doing with his girl. The feel of hot flesh against cold vibranium, sending a wave of pleasure shooting through his body. Oh how he missed touching her, feeling her with something that should not even be able to distinguish between materials. Yet here he was, using the pad of his thumb to trace her cheek, feeling every inch of her soft, supple skin beneath him.

He was surprised she didn't pull back from his touch, knowing how upset she was with him. It had taken Bucky so very long to gain every bit of trust she had to offer, that he was certain he'd had lost a good part of it, especially because Calin was someone who didn't forgive or forget easily.

It had taken two years of patient trust building to even able to brush his hand against her own without there being a panic look spreading across her face. From there he slowly allowed his actions to become more intimate and less friend like, trying to show her how he truly felt. It amused Bucky to see how oblivious she was at times. Letting his hand linger on the small of her back as they walked out of a room, how Bucky tried to catch her hand to pull her into a hug, all those things and many more seemed to go right over her head. Even Steve caught onto Bucky's lame attempts at woohing her. Only laughing, remembering how easy Bucky had it back in the day when it came to women. However things needed to be spelled out for Calin, in big bold letters, and in part Bucky knew it was because of her time with HYDRA.

But the girl was like a safe with the lock rusted shut, if it were to open it would need to be pried. She never spoke about her time in Moscow, never hinted at how long she had been held captive, or the things they did to her. It didn't take a brainyak to figure that she was probably tortured, it was HYDRA's preferred method of captivity afterall. Whenever they spent time cuddled next to one another on the couch he used to pan her face discretely. Looking for scars or burns, anything to let him know what she had been through. He was thankful he didn't see any, and he silently hoped those ass holes spared her of the same pain they put him through.

In truth, that was part of the reason he never told Calin how he truly felt. Over the years she had put on a good front of healing, but every once in awhile flickers of her old terrified self would resurface. Anything regarding physical interactions still scared her especially when Steve or himself weren't nearby, she would flinch away from high-fives from Sam, cringe almost painfully if someone accidentally brushed up against her. He watched her more times than he'd care to count clutching the fabric of one of her sweatshirts, as if she was trying to shield away any unwanted attention. Bucky was already pushing his luck in that department, and figured it was safer to stay in the 'friendzone' as Wanda called it.

He knew she was not ready for a relationship when his feelings had developed, she had barely had a hold on friendships at the time. Hell, when he first got out of HYDRA's grip he certainly wasn't anywhere close to being ready for a relationship. He had to focus solely on himself, and that's what Bucky tried to do for Calin. But Calin was never one to stick to the plans. She seemed to have helped Bucky more so, especially when his nightmares crept back. Which only made his love for the girl stronger.

Bucky sighed contently, continuing to let his fingers run against her skin. She remained quiet and unmoving, her eyes still not finding the courage to look up at him. After a few moments he felt her tilt her head into the palm of his hand, trying to gain more contact. Calin was fighting an internal battle, one wanting her to lash out at Bucky, wanting to yell and scream, telling him he had no right to touch her. However, the bigger, weaker side of herself was enjoying his fingers far too much. Her body missing the cool of the metal that always seemed to send a surge of peace through herself, calming all the frayed nerves that were just waiting to be lit up again.

"Can we talk?" Those three little words were all it took to break Calin out of the trance though. The three fucking words that brought this whole Bucky debacle upon herself weeks ago.

Her lip curled up in disgust, pulling away from his ministrations as if they scalded her skin. "You want to talk? Didn't you already do that?" Calin snapped harshly, stepping back a few feet to put distance between the two of them. "You wanted nothing to do with me Bucky, so why should I even consider listening to a word you have to say now?"

Bucky didn't know what hurt worse, that he had opened his big mouth, ruining their perfectly blissful encounter. Or the way Calins eyes glared with utter hatred at him, an anger swirling dangerously close to the surface of those hazel eyes. He swallowed thickly, uncertain how to respond. This was not how he had planned to patch things up with his girl, so he was at a loss currently. His brain spinning with ideas that certainly would piss her off even further, which was not the goal. 'Calin' and 'pissed' were never words that should be used in the same sentence, because when she was angry she became a totally different person.

So instead of making matters worse, Bucky's eyes softened, and settled with a matter of fact statement. "I miss you."

Her mouth opened and shut promptly, clearly not expecting to hear those words. No, in truth Calin expected him to just give her more reasons as to why he couldn't spend time with her.

"What?" She furrowed her brows, still confused.

Bucky gave a weak smile seeing how flustered she became. "I miss you Calin." He stated again, this time reaching his hand back out to her cheek. Wanting nothing more than to feel that blissful blistering heat against him.

However it never made it close, Calin hitting his arm away from herself. "You don't get to do this Bucky, you don't get to fuck with me like this. I've done everything you've ever asked of me, I tried to be a friend to you and you basically threw me away." Calin was angry again, her emotions so heightened that it took hardly anything to upset her. "Believe me I know I'm fucked up, and I'm hardly worth the time you've spent with me, but that day… it felt." Calin swallowed thickly, her hand tightening into a fist at her side, her knuckles turning a ghostly shade of white. "You know what, forget it."

Taking a steadying breath, Calin looked over the man before her, eyes panning his face searching for anything. She wasn't even quite sure what she was looking for to be honest. A sign? Some kind of blinding light pointing her in the right direction? All she got was Bucky Barnes staring at her, in all his wayward puppy dog glory.

She needed to go.

Turning on her heels she started her way back towards Steve's room. Leaving Bucky right where he stood, leaving him just like he had left her. But she wasn't expecting Bucky to move just a quick, reaching out, wrapping his fingers around her wrist tightly. The act, so innocent yet so familiar. Flooding her mind with memories of how the guards use to grab her flailing body as they dragged her down the dark musty hallways. How their hands, nearly twice the size of her own at the time crushed her wrist with little effort, only the reverberating sound of snapping bone making them release the tension a bit. How when they learned of her powers, they caged her hands together with vibranium binding, only to then drag her kicking and screaming down the hall by a chain like some animal.

The images flashed before her like a movie, and it was one of those moments when time seemed to stop all together. Seconds felt like hours, as she stood there unmoving, feeling a surge of energy hit her consciousness. It knocked her, shook her mind so powerfully Calin knew exactly what was happening. Her other half found it's chance and was not wasting the opportunity. In these times Calin usually accepted it, almost wanting her to make an appearance. Now… oh no, now was not the time. She may hate Bucky at the moment but she would never willing wish for him to be in harm's way and harm's fucking way was exactly what he was in currently.

Biting down on her lip Calin screamed painfully, trying with all her might to keep it at bay. Pushing it back down in the depths of her mind, but it had other plans.

The feeling could be equated to a tidal wave, hitting her at full force causing her to lose her mental footing. Sending Calin falling into an icy pit of darkness that was so thick it made it nearly impossible to move or fight back. Her arms weighed down, so heavy and cumbersome that it felt like she was drowning.

This had never happened quite like this before. Calin had always been a willing participant in the change over. No, this was like that movie Bucky had made her watch, the one with the spartans. One swift kick to the chest and she was falling into a seemingly endless pit of pitch black nothingness, while her other half watched from above. A grin tugging at the corners of her own lips, giving a parting wave. Before Calins body slammed agonizingly into the rough bottom of the pit.

Bucky…

The mere thought of him had her starting to panic. He was in the real world dealing with her other half, her demon right now . Nobody had ever seen it, or dealt with it, she could have already killed half the people in the tower by now. Time didn't work the same being trapped inside the mind, so what felt like minutes could actually be days. So the longer she didn't fight, the more time she let her demon go on its rampage.

She struggled desperately, pulling herself to her feet, hobbling around the circular pit, her arms clawing at anything that would bring her back into control. There was nothing, no holds, no footings, nothing. There had always been something to cling to, something to climb her way back up. Frankly she had never been put here, she usually had one hand on the wheel with her demon, seeing what was going on. Now… not so much.

"возвращайся ко мне." It was a soft distant voice that called out. Causing her struggling body to stop for a moment, listening.

"Любовь моя, пожалуйста." Again the voice sounded, pleading to her noise reverberating off the walls of her mind. Making Calin look around frantically, trying to figure out where it was coming from.

A quiet sob left her lips when her eyes panned upward following the sound, seeing the tiny spec of light. It was so very far away, but she knew that's where the voice was coming from, she knew that's the direction she needed to go in order to take control again.

Wading over to the darkened wall, she pounded her fist violent against the barrier. Her limbs feeling uncomfortably heavy with each swing she took. Hours, it had begun to feel like hours had passed, her hands raw from the continuous barrage but her efforts getting her no closer to Bucky… just more exhausted. And the more tired she was, the longer this processes would last.

"Bucky! You fucking leave him alone." Calin shouted loudly, rage clear in her voice as it bounced off the walls. But when nothing happened, and the light remained out of reach she choked back a pained whimper. Resting her forehead on the cold surface, her hands splayed out beside her. "Please… just leave him alone, leave them all alone."

Turning around, she let her back hit the wall before sinking down to the floor. The air getting thicker, the darkness wrapping itself around her limbs pulling her back. Coxing her into a state of acceptance. It wanted her stuck there, just like Calin had done to it. It was gonna keep her trapped for as long as it could, make up for lost time.

"пожалуйста." That last word, Calin could finally tell it was Bucky's voice, pleading.

It was Russian, but she knew he was asking her, please. The sound echoing in her mind, stirring up all the things that could be happening to him at this moment. Things that were even worse than her time with HYDRA no doubt. She'd bare every torturous minute back in that facility, just to save him. Save him from herself.

With that thought it felt like she was shot out of a cannon. Body flinging up into the air and out of the hole she was pushed into. Bypassing the climbing option all together.

Calin landed on the ground violently, her breathing ragged as she lay there for a moment. The heat from her breath fanning out against the cold floor, fogging it a little. Vision blurry, her eyes blinked back the haze, trying to see clearly. Her body still shaking and exhausted from the fight it just went through. However Calin was unsure of what was going on or where she was at the moment. She supposed it was another level of her mind, the next barrier between her and her demon. Or she could be back in the real world, but that seemed way to easy.

"Cal…." She lifted her head slightly, seeing that she was actually back in the hallway.

Bucky was laying on the ground beside her, blood dripping from his nose and a large gouge in his cheek. He was staring at her like he had just seen a ghost. His hand gently rubbing his throat, the skin raw looking. In truth he had never witnessed anything quite like that before.

"D-did I hurt you?" Calin asked shakily, her voice quivering in fear. Worried that she hurt him badly. "Did I hurt anyone?"

Pushing herself up onto her hands, she dragged herself towards him cautiously. Keeping a slight buffer zone, uncertain as to how Bucky was going to react. She was surprised he didn't run off screaming, or better yet, find the nearest phone to call Fury. He was always waiting for something like this to happen.

Instead after a few breathless moments of staring, Bucky moved towards her effortlessly. Pulling her weak body into his arms and onto his lap, cradling her against his chest. "No, I'm fine." He finally spoke, his voice lower than usual. "You're my Calin right, you're my best girl?" Bucky asked, needing to be reassured that she was back. Actually back.

Calin wasn't lying when she said her powers were better left unknown. It only took a split second and the girl he loved had turned into a unrecognizable monster. Eyes dark as a stormy night, swirling with a mixture of hatred and rage. Whatever it was, listened to no reason and was clearly out for blood. It had attacked Bucky so violently that he wasn't sure what to do. It was Calins body, but her mind, the things that made Calin herself were no longer there.

She sure as hell didn't pull punches either, picking him up like he weighed nothing, sending him straight into the nearest wall. His body crushing the drywall like paper, and destroying Tony's one of a kind desk to the point where it wouldn't even be useful for kindling. The commotion was loud enough that it had stirred several people, Steve included. But he told them to stay back, not wanting anyone else to get involved. That's when he began to plead with her.

Bucky knew she could understand Russian, she had caught him whispering it to her one night when he had thought she was asleep. It was little words, a poem, nothing major but the sheepish grin that pulled on her lips gave it away. Calin said she understood it but didn't know how to speak it well, so he was hoping this shared memory would trigger her to come back to him.

He whispered and pleaded as the girl focused her attention on him again, lifting him up without even touching him. A swirl of black smoke engulfing his body slowly. The final, please, seemed to grab her though. The black in her eyes flickering back and forth between her hazel ones, before she shook her head violently. Yelling out in disgust, clearly upset with what was happening. Calins hands moved, dropping him to the ground with a loud thud as she screamed out louder, the sound so guttural that it had him wincing before the darkness completely dissipated. Her body collapsing soon after.

"I didn't mean to do that." Her scared voice brought Bucky back to reality. Causing him to pull her tighter to his chest. His head leaning down to rest against her. "You h-have to believe m-me."

She looked exhausted, as his metal hand came to sooth her cheek. "Its ok, I have you now. I've got you Cal." He whispered, gently wiping away the stray tears that began to roll down her face. She never cried, never in the whole time he'd known her. So Bucky knew this was serious, and it made his chest tighten painfully. He was at a loss, and it killed him to think he couldn't do anything to put Calin at ease.

He felt her arms wrap around him, burying her face into the front of his shirt. His eyes looking over her tired form, seeing most of the team standing there silently with looks of both shock and concern.

The hall was a war zone of drywall bits and over turned furniture. Broken glass dotted the floor, a clear reminder she had literally shattered every window in sight with little more than a flick of her finger.

After a few hesitant minutes, Bucky saw Steve inch his way closer, hands out in surrender. "Buck… I think we should get you two to the med bay." His voice remained calm as he spoke, not wanting to startle the girl who was plastered to his best friends chest. "Calin? What do you think kid. Can you do that for us?" Steve addressed her this time, seeing her back quack beneath her sweatshirt.

Calin swallowed thickly, listening to her friend, her fingers bunching in the fabric of Bucky's shirt. "Y-yeah."

Shifting ever so slowly till she was sitting up, Calin viciously wiped at her tear stain cheeks. Feeling Bucky's hand gently rest on her back to keep her steady.

"Can you guys give us a second?" Bucky asked, as he rubbed circles into her back calmingly. His eyes looking over the crowd that was still congregating in the hall. Wanda and Nat looked the most upset, and if he didn't say anything the two would try to be right over here. Bucky knew Calin wouldn't want that attention. It was a sign of weakness to her, and she hated to seem weak.

He could sense the shame and embarrassment rolling off her in waves just sitting there. Watching as her heavy lidded eyes scanned the destruction she had left behind. Bucky didn't want her to stress out further, that was the last thing they all needed at the moment.

"No problem." Steve nodded his head at his friend before turning around. "Lets go people, back to bed." He motioned with his arms, making everyone slowly make their way back towards their rooms. His head turning back once to check on them before he disappeared behind his door. Out of sight but still within earshot incase a situation came up again.

Leaving Bucky alone with Calin.

She had said nothing, her eyes blankly staring out at the Bucky sized hole in Tony's wall. An ache in her chest forming, thinking about what she probably did to him that did that kind of damage.

"Hey, I'm fine." Bucky smoothed her hair, knowing that Calin was dwelling on what had just happened. Ever since she sat up her eyes hadn't left the hole in the wall. But when his words didn't seem to pull her from her thoughts, his hand came up, timidly moving her chin so she was eye to eye with him. "Cal… I'm more worried about you darling. I know I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, it was stupid on my part."

"It.. it reminded me of how the guards used to grab me." She says absentmindedly, her gaze dropping to her wrists that were covered by the sleeves of the sweatshirt. "They broke my wrists a couple times…" Her voice was small, as she slid the fabric up slightly. Bucky's eyes settling on the faded scares that adorned the inside of her wrists. They were relatively small in size and if she hadn't drawn attention to them he would have never even known.

With slow calculating movements Bucky took one of her hands in his own, bringing her wrist to his lips. Kissing the soft blistering flesh ever so gently wishing he could take all that pain away with it.

This was big for him, in two ways. One, Calin had just willing told him something about her past. A topic that had been tight lipped from the moment she arrived at the tower. Even though it angered him to know someone manhandled her so hard they snapped her wrist. It was quite a feet to be honest, since Calin was no weakling. And two, he had just kissed her. It may have been innocently placed on her wrist, but it was all he could ever ask for. A chance… one moment to show her what she meant to him. That he loved her too Goddamn much to lose her.

Bucky's hand continued to make small circles on her back, his eyes watching her carefully. She seemed lost, her fingers nervously fiddling with the edge of her fraying sweatshirt. Picking at the loose strings over and over again.

"It's gonna happen again." Her voice broke the silence after a few minutes. It was hoarse, as if she had just spent the last hour screaming.

Furrowing his brows Bucky stiffened, "Now?" He cautiously asked, hoping it wasn't the case. Her powers were beyond whatever his super soldier abilities could handle. She'd crush him with little more than a blink of an eye.

Letting out a small breath, Calin shook her head before glancing up at Bucky. "No." Her eyes panned his tired drawn in face, the scruff on his face heavier than normal. The large gash she put in the side of his cheek still bleeding, leaving trails of crimson liquid running down to his chin. "I'm sorry." She quietly added, using her sleeve to wipe away the blood. "I was so worried I was going to lose you Bucky. That I wouldn't be able to come back in time to stop myself…"

Another wave of stinging tears threatened to emerge, welling behind her eyes dangerously. But in an instant she felt Bucky's arm tighten around her body. His vibranium fingers dancing softly against the skin of her cheek, making her eyes meet his own again. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. If you need to, I will sit right here in this hallway all day with you." He whispered softly.

She was so close to him, he could smell the sweet scent of green apple from her body spray. It drew him like a month to a burning hot flame. Against his better judgement he moved his face a bit closer to hers, watching for any signs of distress. But when she continued to silently watch, her breathing steady he took his chance. "Can.. Can I kiss you?" He asked for permission first, knowing Calin needed to feel safe. She needed to agree to it before he'd do anything rash.

Narrowing her eyes, she felt her heart begin to race. He was dangerously close, and her mind was swirling. This seemed like some cruel joke to her, having Bucky like this. Maybe she was still trapped in her mind and her demon was giving her something to keep her occupied. If that was the case, why not just play along. Why not just give in… Maybe find some kind of peace? Even if it was just fake.

Calin nodded her head hesitantly, not dropping her gaze. A small smile tugged at Bucky's lips, and his fingers cupped her cheek ever so gently. His movements soft and meticulous as not to startle her. Bucky hesitated only for a second, looking into her eyes trying to read the emotions hidden in them. Searching for any sign that her mind may have changed, but when he was met with nothing, he leaned in closer and let his lips gently brush against Calins. Her eyes fluttered closed instantly at the contact, and Bucky revelled in the heat.

It was a sweet, innocent kiss, and Bucky left it at that. Pulling away just enough so his forehead rested against her own. "I waited too long to do that. I've waited too long for a lot of things Calin. And I need you to know… there was never anyone else. I pulled away 'cause I thought I was going to hurt you." Bucky closed his eyes as he spoke, knowing he had to come clean once and for all, to just tell her the truth. This was his shot. "I've been having these nightmares… where I kill you, and I couldn't handle it. I just didn't want them to come true. There's no way I could live with myself if your blood was on my hands." He breathed out fearfully, both hands cupping her face now. Needing to touch her, needing to show her the fear he had felt when those images flooded his mind.

Calin froze at this words, letting the weight of them sink in. He had pulled away because of nightmares? Almost the same type of nightmares she had been having?

Letting out a huff, Calin shook her head with an annoyed groan. She knew exactly what was going on now, feeling incredibly stupid for not seeing it sooner. Her demon… this was all it's doing. It fucked with Bucky so he'd leave her, and it knew how big of a blow that'd be. It had been the first crack in the impervious armor she had built up over the years. Then to hammer the final nail in the coffin, it conjured up nightmares for Calin as well. Breaking down her walls just enough to slip right through. This was all calculated, planned out so it could escape. The smart little bitch. Calin knew it had been fucking with herself… but to go after someone else… that was new, something that seemed impossible. But the similarities were striking, too coincidental to ignore. It was growing stronger clearly. Which wasn't good.

Seeing how dejected Bucky looked, Calin leaned in and pressed her lips against his softly again. Her body almost needing another taste, just to make sure it was real. Because in truth, she still didn't believe this was actually occurring.

"Let's go find Tony… I think it's time you guys know what happened. At least so you know what you're dealing with." She murmured against his lips. "I owe it to you." Closing her eyes, she felt his hands leave her face and carefully found purchase around her waist.

It was time to face the demons of her past and present.


End file.
